Inspired by a powerful insight in The Tao of Seneca, a collection of letters recommended by Tim Ferriss.
One of the most subtle – and dangerous – traps we can fall into is the illusion that we’ve already arrived. That we are “good enough”. Not because we’ve truly earned that status through relentless introspection and progress, but because someone said something nice about us – and we believed them.
And I get it. We all crave recognition. Validation feels good. Someone calls you wise, generous, calm under pressure, and you nod along. You start to see yourself that way, even if, deep down, you know you’re still working on it.
The issue isn’t with praise itself – it’s with how quickly we accept it, and how rarely we inspect it.
Let’s pause and reflect.
Have you ever been called “disciplined” on a week you skipped workouts? Or “generous” while holding back something important you could’ve given?
That gap between what we’re praised for and how we’re actually living – that’s the danger zone.
“We are unwilling to be reformed, just because we believe ourselves to be the best of men.”
– Seneca, On Pleasure and Joy
When we believe we’re already there, we stop pushing. We defend the identity others project onto us instead of evolving into the person we truly want to be. That’s a recipe for stagnation.
So, how do we stay honest with ourselves?
Treat praise like a mirror, not a mask:
Let it reflect something worth striving toward, but don’t let it cover who you are today.
Seek truth over comfort:
Ask people for honest feedback, even when it stings. Especially when it stings.
Close the gap:
If someone sees something great in you—patience, generosity, strength—ask yourself: What would it look like to actually earn that description?
Get uncomfortable:
Growth happens in the tension between where you are and who you want to become. Embrace that tension.
This idea hit me like a brick the moment I read it. And it stayed with me. Because I’ve been there. Wanting to believe I was “sorted out” when I was still figuring things out behind the scenes.
But I’m learning: it’s better to be a work in progress with momentum than a polished illusion going nowhere.
We don’t evolve by defending who we are. We evolve by daring to become who we’re not – yet.
And that, to me, is what real growth looks like.